Behind the Scenes at Rurouni Kenshin
by Saemus McNally
Summary: Blah Blah Blah Behind the Scene's scenario. New story startd on chapter six. Reminding you...to beware the girl scouts.
1. Default Chapter

*note* Okay Yes I stole this story idea from someone I dont even know who. My friend fox gave me the link to this cute gundam fic and i thought it was awesome. So about i dunno a year later i remember it but dont remember the site so i cant give the author credit but if this story feels familiar to you then i really hope someone gives me the author so i can give her much credit ^-^ okay enough blabbering!  


Behind the Scenes at Rurouni Kenshin  
*for the actors preference their character names shall be used rather than their real names. Mainly because I couldnt get the actors and the actresses agencies to sign the papers*  


  
Sanosuke sat their eating a doublecheeseburger. Not so unusual, unless you noted that he had just polished off an entire large dominos pizza, a tweleve inch sub from Port of Subs and about thirteen or fourteen donuts give or take a few jelly rolls. Sure looking at this man eat you'd wonder if he was beulimic. Nope. He's just a pig. He glanced around the set. Well it certainly was, well, classier than other sets he'd been on. Mainly considering the other sets he was on were for movies that were less than family oriented. "At least it smells better than the Motel 6 and thankfully there's no possibility of sheeps, I hope" Sano commented after picking out a pickle from the burger and sucking on it.   
This kind of setting was a little different to him. He'd never been in a certain time themed movie. And moreover this was a TV show. That was new to him too. "At least I'll get to keep my pants on, I hope"  
Speaking of pants, he was totally digging his costume. The jacket was the coolest thing he'd ever seen. The "AKU" on it just tickled him pink. He was always playing the "new innocent boy" in his movies. Now he got to be a badass. He wasn't too fond of the bandages. It reminded him far too much of a certain type of movie he had to do once. His ass hurt at just the thought of it. The slippers were obviously made to fit his size. Considering how tall he was he had really small feet. He got made fun of a few times by his peers because of it. Mainly because when he'd go shopping for shoes at Foot Locker or some such place the clerk would laugh when they asked his size. He really adored these pants. So loose, white, and more importantly, not clinging! He hated having to wear those tight jeans in his movies. "At least I wont have to have my ass fondled because of my tight pants, I hope"  
Well, the rest of the cast was finally making its way to through the set. He heared earpeircing screams, girlish giggles of friends being casted in the same program again, a few deep sexy voices here and there, confused extras, and more than anything, the loud dominate director yelling over his microphone whilst sitting on top of a giant stuffed moogle. "This might be the craziest thing I've ever done, and thats saying a LOT. But then again, this might be tons of fun. There's lots of really cute people on this set. At least the food on set is free" He said the last part as he finished off his burger and dug into a big hunk of cake." Maybe this whole samurai thing won't be as lame as I thought"  
  
OH NO! ITS ONLY THE BEGINING!   
Next-The Cast


	2. Part Two - The Cast

Part Two- The Cast  
  
  
Sano had thought he'd seen everything that was completely out of the ordinary. What with his former career as a XXX Star, he figured everything that could be weird or insane had already been seen by him. Boy was he wrong. This cast was the nuttiest group of people he'd ever met. Sano was kinda scared of them. He'd only heard names of who would be playing who. And the rest of the time Sano had been going over his lines. He wasn't in the first few episodes so he had more time to memorize them. But the director insisted on a dress rehersal. Well the first person he noticed was the lead. Himura Kenshin. In the script this was supposed to be a semistoic semifemmy semidork semibadass kinda guy. And when Sano saw who was playing him he nearly fell onto his ass and laughed. It was that goofy popstar who sent chills through prepubesent girls with his lame choreographed dances and even lamer lyrics. Sano liked to call him Corporate Logo Star. But Sano being new to this didn't want to start making fun of the guy on the first day. God knows what his bodyguard henchmen might do.  
Kenshin wasn't all that bad to look at though. Nice hair, pretty face, even if it was a little too girly for Sano's tastes. He was kinda short though, but maybe Sano only thought this because he was so tall. Was he the tallest guy on the set? It seemed so. The guy had a femmy voice too. Sano was two seconds from running over to the guy pulling down his pants to find out. But then that would have been remincing from his old job. He wasn't really wanting that. Anywhy, he started getting bored looking at this guy so he started looking around to the rest of the cast.  
Two young women were gabbing incredibly fast at each other. Even with sano's voice training for his accent he had almost never heard anyone talk as fast or enthusiastic about something. He wandered a little closer to the pair. One was Misao and the other was Kaoru. "OHM'GOD~!HE'S GONNA PLAY AOSHI!? CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!? AND HE'S SO FRUITY! I MEAN HE WONT SITIN A CHAIR IF IT DOESN'T HAVE A SATIN PILLOW!" "AHAHA! YEAH I KNOW! OH! and you know what"Kaoru lowered her voice as she noticed Sano meandering over"I heard...that we have not only a porn star in our cast, but that famous Shakespearian actor is going to play Saitou Hajime!" "AHAHA! Our cast is so mixed up! ahaha! the bottle of the barrel to the cream of the crop! ahahahaha" The girls giggled and walked away leaving poor Sanosuke heartbroken. The knew about him! Or did they actually know it was him? He of all people was not pleased with his past. He'd really love to forget it. Well all he could do was hope they didn't know exactly who was that sorta star. He looked at the two girls in their costumes. Misao was rather cute. She was really squeaky and her braid was amazing. Sano liked the shorts she wore. The other girl Kaoru wearing a kendo outfit seemed kinda butch. He would have giggled to himself about the two being a pair when he heard the most irritating scream.  
"NO MURRAY! I REFUSE TO DO THIS ROLE UNLESS I GET A HIGHER PAY!" Sano whipped around and saw a tan spiky haired kid screaming at an older man in a brown suit. The man had probably only been about thirty something but he had an old face. He must have been with this kid forever. Murray mumbled something to the brat to which the kid replied"MURRAY! HOW COULD YOU SIGN ME TO THIS WITHOUT MY CONSENT! IM A FRIGGIN CHILD PRODIGY! HOW MANY KIDS HAVE BEEN ACTING SINCE THEY WERE THREE MONTHS IN THE WOMB!" Sano was confused as he could be "Three months in the womb? was that possible? He must have been a baby on a tv show that involved an ultra sound" "FINE MURRAY! FINE! I'll do THREE episodes and if I dont get the pay I JUSTLY deserve I'll quit! And then I'll sue you AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU!" The kid spun around pointing at people including Sano with his threat.  
"Yahiko" Sano was startled as Kenshin had silently come up to him and suddenly spoke to him. "What?" Sano asked. "That kid is gonna play Yahiko. Yahiko is some kid Kenshin goes and saves from some bandits or whatever and he hangs with them for the rest of the series. It's gonna be hell working with him. What a way to start my acting career. Sheesh" Kenshin spoke in a nice calm voice. Sano liked his tone. "This is your first thing you've been in?"Sano pondered to the littler man. "Yep. My agent Frank told me that I should start up an acting career because my music wasn't doing to well. Not that that bothers me. I really don't like Pop music. I'm more of a classic rock fan myself. Thin Lizzy. Yep. I only did it to break into show business. They chose me cause I was quote "pretty". Feh. I wish I didn't have to do that. What a crappy way to start out a career." "There are worse things...." Sano broke Kenshin's babble with a timid sound. Kenshin just looked at Sano curiously. Then brightened up and said "Well It should be fun working with you. Ahaha I can already tell we're going to get insane fangirls if this show makes it past first season" "Fangirls?" Did Sano already have fangirls? Or fan*gulp* guys? God knows who watched what he was in. He looked reassuredly at Kenshin who gave him a friendly grin.  
This cute kodak moment was cut off quick as a girl with short black hair and a striped kimono with an apron came bouncing right through them. She had a walkman on so she was dancing and singing." LETS GO SHOPPING ARE YOU ALRIGHT! COME ON JOIN US A TO Z!!!!!" Kenshin was knocked off balance and Sano was pushed into a table with a big juice jug on it. Sano was shocked and squeaked out "What was that!?!" "Tsubame"Kenshin replied as he got up off the floor.  
"This cast is insane." Sano blurted in a frustrated tone."You bet your sweet ass it is." Sano looked behind him. Kenshin grumbled something. Sano looked to see the short woman with a shirt with over elongated sleeves with a big Chihuahua peeing picture on her shirt with knee high boots and her red and orange hair pulled into short round pigtails. Sano remembered her. She hired him. This was the casting director. A close friend to the writer and film director. She was short but she scared the daylights out of Sano. "SO! I see our Sano and Kenshin have met. Don't get TOO cosy with each other remember! THIS ISNT YAOI! but I wish it were. Then again I'm only cast director. So! I'll see you two later. I have more people to hire! JAANAA!"  
"Sometimes I really hate her." "She scares me"  
OH there is SO MUCH more yet to come. I mean. I haven't even gotten to my favorite characters yet!  
Next - Back Stage Tension 


	3. Back Stage Tension

Part Three - Back Stage Tension  
  
Well, fortunately for this cast Rurouni Kenshin REALLY took off. Each opening and ending theme was hitting the charts. Merchandise was being bought, and the cast was sign on for more seasons. So good news for them! Sano can finally afford tons of stuff he's always wanted. He has a snazy new black car. He sports Aku symbols everywhere now. He and the cast are in magazines everywhere. Sano was even nominated for one of tv's hottest new stars. Sano was thoroughly enjoying himself. Until the girls in the cast started harassing him. At a photo shoot they had quite a tiff in the dressing room.  
Misaoviciously ripped at Sano"I can't believe what a moron you are sometimes you know that? I mean, just cause you're tall and walk around with no shirt on you think you're the whole focus of this show." "Yeah! Sano you're such an ego maniac" Kaoru chimed in. "Whats your deal anyway! Thinkin' you're better than us. Whats that about Huh?! HUH!?" Sano was feeling horrible and kinda mad. These girls who were nice to him for a good long while suddenly turned into harpies. Tsubame tried to defend Sano."Hey girls be nice to Sano he's still new at this whole being a star thing" To which Misao roared"WELL SO WHAT!? you can be new to something and not let it go to your head!" Sano had had enough. Their reason for this whole argument was just pissing him off. "WHAT IS *YOUR* DEAL!? You asked me out! I refused! GET OVER IT! I'm not trying to run around saying that you're not good enough for me! I just don't wanna go out with you! LET IT GO!" Misao who was frustrated because of this truth suddenly screamed"HA! JUST LIKE A MAN! THATS NOT WHAT ITS ABOUT!" Kaoru"ne, misao what is it about then?" "YOU SHUT UP! I'M LEAVING!" And she did as she said she would. She gathered up her stuff and stormed right out of the room with Kaoru running behind her.  
Sano plopped down into a chair near Tsubame. Tsubame who was wearing a bright pink pikachu shirt and plaid pants. She tried to comfort the boy by playing with his spikey hair. She attempted pig tails but she couldn't get them to stay. "Neee Tsubame?" "Yes?" "What the hell are you doing to my hair?" "Playing" "Why?" "Because I'm bored and you would look cute with pig tails and you need cheering up. They were unneccessarily mean. They usually are like that with hot new stars but they never deal with it right so they usually end up screaming at the guy. They've scared off three different guys from working." "Well how come they don't harass Aoshi or Kenshin" "Well Kaoru likes to keep it platonic when she's with a guy on screen. And Misao really dislikes Aoshi. Mainly because Aoshi spends more time filing his nails or shopping or complaining how the water isnt Evian or how he wants new socks every day and blah blah blah. Aoshi is really a pouf." "So I've noticed. He was complaining how his trench coat was too heavy and how it needed to be made of a finer fabric" "HEHE! I remember that day!" "Heh Yeah It was pretty hilarious when after his tyraid he tripped over one of the chairs and fell on his belly and started to cry." "Aw see! making fun of Aoshi cheered you up! And now it's time for my turn in the photo shoot. I gotta go get changed Byyyyeeebyeeee" And with that Tsubame flounced out of the room singing"yes I'm a punky giiiirl"leaving Sano alone in the room. Sano was cheered up but he didn't have anyone to talk to.   
He looked through the magazines. Nothing interesting. An article about "Who is being considered for the new season for Rurouni Kenshin" was on one of the covers but Sano didn't care. Another magazine about Kenshin's singing career taking a new twist. Another article about Kaoru's perfume line. Another article about Megumi's new brand of clothing she's sporting. Nothing at all. He kinda wanted to throw the magazine across the room when he looked up. And in strolled a man taller than Sano with cool black hair, a cigarette places loosely between his lips, a fantastic black suit, and I mean black. Black tie black shirt black jacket black pants. He was accompanied by two women. One with her hair piled in a bun and one with her hair falling down around her glasses. They both wore black kimonos. The man strolled, well no, more like GLIDED into the room. The two women skittering along behind him. Sano nearly had to pick his jaw up off the floor and mop up the drool.   
He took a seat in a chair not far from Sano's chair. Sano kinda wanted to choke on the smoke because he really hated the smell and presence of cigarettes. Yet with this guy he couldn't help but want to take the cigarette from the man and smoke the cig himself. The man looked over to Sano. Sano was kinda scared. He had never seen someone with gold eyes before. The man snapped his fingers and the shorter of the two women with glasses on hopped up and pulled a card from her kimono sleeve. She handed the card to Sano.  


"You will be Saitou Hajime"  


Sano knew this handwriting. It was from the casting director. So this was that actor Misao and Kaoru were talking about."Ah..so...you're the Saitou?" Sano inquired. "Yes he is" chimed in both women who had now taken a seat right behind Saitou on either side of him. Sano was scared and fascinated. What was with these three. They looked so dark and yet so damned cool. Sano was also getting intoxicated by those gold eyes. "So...so you'll be a part of the cast now?" "Yes he will be." "Do you ever speak for yourself?" Sano asked directly to the two women. "He can and will in time. Especially to a cutey like you. He takes to tall dark and handsome young men like you!"sang the slightly taller of the two women. Sano was taken quite aback. What?! Was he just hit on indirectly? Did this guy really dig other guys or were the women just blowing smoke up his ass?  
"Introduce yourself you're frightening the boy" Saitou rolled the words out in a way that actually kind of frightened and stimulated Sano. The two women stood up. The taller one bowed "Tokio". The shorter one with glasses bowed" Pureito" Sano blurted out"PLATE?" Saitou laughed to himself as Pureito throw a chop stick at Sano smacking him right on his red bandana. "I'M SORRY!"   
Saitou got up and leaned over Sano lifting his face up by pulling up his chin with one finger. Sano thought his heart was gonna leap out of his chest, run round and kick him square in the ass. Until, Saitou put out his cigarette on Sano's bandana. Sano flailed like a stuck pig and Saitou and the two women just laughed and wandered out of the room. Sano tripped over a chair and fell onto the cold tile floor. He glared at the doorway where Saitou and the two women had walked out of. "If anything else I am SO gonna get that guy! and his floozies too!" Sano barked out to no one in particular.  
  
Next Time - Master Saitou Rules the World  



	4. Master Saitou Rules the World

Master Saitou Rules the World  
  
Its come to my attention someone else has a story of the same name and basic idea. I'd like to humbly point out my story was out before hers, and I hold no grudge or anything. I know I take ideas from people and places alot but one thing I'm not into is blatant plagerism. And now that this is said, if you're still here PLEASE STILL BE HERE IM NEEDY! I'll get on with the story PLEASE REVIEW ME! I FEED OFF OF IT! FOUR MORE YEARS! BAN THE BOTTLE!  
  


Saitou stood in front of the mirror. He adjusted his shinsengumi jacket. Tokio was inspecting his ponytail wig,which luckily enough would stay on because of Saitou's ever so slightly long hair. Pureito was rummaging through Saitou's cds. She found the one he had asked for. Setting it in the discplayer she hit play. An enormous grin grew on Saitou and Tokio's face.  
"One Saturday I took a walk to zipper head" Saitou sang " I met a girl there and she almost knocked me dead" He grabbed Tokio by the arms and danced around with her.   
"PUNK ROCK GIRL" Tokio and Pureito sang in the chorus "Please look at me. What do you see, just you and me punk rock girl."  
It was Tokio's turn to take the lead as she sat Saitou down in his chair." I tapped her on the shoulder and said 'Do you have a bell'. She looked at me and smiled and said she did not know." "PUNK ROCK GIRL" Saitou and Pureito now taking chorus together." Give me a chance! Lets go slam dance, we'll dress like Minnie Pearl. Just you and me punk rock girl"   
While the Saitou-gumi was happily singing to this great Dead Milkmen song Sano, Tsubame and Misao,who had reconcieled with Sano, were watching from the doorway. Tsubame wanted to laugh so hard. This was the cutest and coolest thing they'd ever seen before. Misao was in awe. In contrast to the actual singer's crude nasal voice Tokio's was soft and well trained. She certainly would give Kenshin a run for his money. Sano was just staring. He had no idea how to feel about this.   
Saitou in the show would never do something like this. And the only times the cast saw Saitou was when he was actually performing. He never went to rehersals. He was so busy. They'd send him the script at where ever he was and he'd come to the shootings when the director told him. Knowing all his lines and the lines of the cast. Great acting skills, thought Sano when he first saw Saitou perform. Even though technically he was still mad at him for burning his new favorite bandana. And then accidentally stepping on his slippered foot while walking off set after he had completed the shooting. And then 'accidentally' spilling coffee on Sano's costume. Which SANO got yelled at for the cost of the bill to make a new costume.   
But Sano wasn't feeling hatred for Saitou at the moment. He couldn't hold in his giddiness now. As Saitou, Tokio and Pureito sang the last lines of their song and struck dramaticlly stupid poses, Sano cracked. He broke into an unstoppable laughter which gave away the trio's hiding place.  
The Saitou-gumi looked at Sano as a tear streamed down his face from laughing. Tsubame was giggling into her hands and Misao was shuffling her tabi abit as she blushed from her cheeks to the roots of her long braid. Saitou looked at Sano and let out one word. "Stop" Suprisingly,to Sano even, he stopped laughing.  
Saitou, with Tokio cleaning up the make-up kit and Pureito picking up Saitou's casual clothes, pointed to the ground in front of him and said yet another solitary word. "Come". Before Sano knew he was standing right in front of the older man. Scared absolutely witless. How come he had moved. Didn't he hate Saitou?  
Saitou with ever graceful movements not to bump into Tokio or knock any makeup over with his sleeve grabbed the cd from the player and put it in its disc case. Then handed it to Sano. One more solitary word. "Listen."  
Sano was baffled, but finally he gathered himself up and decided to joke at the man."Coco take cd! Coco listen! Me Coco! You Jane!" He spun round his right leg kind of kicking out in front of him and waltzed out of the room waving the cd over his head. Tsubame and Misao following after him giggling their heads off.   
Just then Yahiko came running up the narrow hall Sano, Tsubame and Misao were walking down. Yahiko was followed by Kenshin. Yahiko had stolen Kenshin's Sakabatou and was blindly running forward down the hall, flailing his arms about. "I AM THE MUFFIN MAN! YOU CANNOT CATCH ME!" to which Kenshin yelled"YOU'RE GONNA BE DEAD IS WHAT YOU ARE!"  
Sano pushed the two girls against the wall out of the way. Unfortunately getting a nice slice from the sharp side of the sakabatou. Sano arched and yelled in pain. What the hell was with the director's idea of using REAL blades?! Misao blushed a little and Tsubame just cleanched . Sano leaned into Misao. She nearly wigged out. What with big sexy Sano all over her. Till he fell down taking her with him. Pinning her to the ground. Which caused her to scream. Why'd this thin guy weigh so much! "GET HIM OFF MEEEE UWAAAHHH!!!" Tsubame"AAA!!! HE'S BLEEDING!" "YAHIKO SEE WHAT YOU DID!" "UWAAH HE WEIGHS A TON!""ARE YOU ALRIGHT!!??"  
Tokio and Pureito had joined in the din with yelling and screaming and wondering if Sano was alright. Megumi had come back in from the outside door after having a smoke. She still smelt of cigarettes. She saw the mob in the tiny hallway and moved over poking her head over Kenshin to see what was the matter.  
By now Saitou had pushed his way through the crowd and was kneeling next to Saitou and Misao, who was still complaining about Sano being on her. Saitou had taken off Sano's shirt to get a better view at the wound. He looked up and saw Megumi. "Megumi, go get me some clean rags, alcohol and a needle and thread."  
Megumi put her hands on her hips and leaned her head down towards Saitou."Dammit Jim, I'M a doctor not your lackie nurse!" "You're not a doctor! You just play one on TV!"  
  
Next Chapter: Rolly Polly Fish Heads  
  
Okay Okay you have no idea how long i've been waiting for someone to say those last two lines. Yes I'm lame. Whatever.


	5. Master Saitou Rules the World

Rolly Polly Fish Heads  
  
I know the title is meaningless....hey shut up!PLEASE DONT LEAVE! *river of tears*I'm needy! Please read and review!! Even if its bad! I DONT CARE!...wow i sound pathetic....  


  
Sano writhed in pain as the ACTUAL doctor worked on the scar on his side. "Well, you're lucky. Any deeper and your kidney's would be a new gucci design on that tile." Sano grimaced. Stupid brat. "You're quite lucky someone on hand knew how to clean and stitch up a wound. When you came in there was hardly anything for me to do."  
Sano pondered where Saitou had learned medical training like that. Then he just shrugged mentally thinking'He's Saitou, he can do anything'. When the doctor had finished his work making Sano's wound properly stitched up Sano buggered on out of the room. To where Misao was sitting. She was being talked to by a therapist. Turns out Sano had tramatized her when he passed out on her. Misao looked up at Sano who smiled at her. She began to scream and scream as she grabbed her chest and her waist. She balled up herself into a corner of the couch where the therapist ran over and tried to calm her down. He opted for leaving the medic area of the building and went back to the set.   
Saitou Kenshin and Megumi were in a group talking together about some such thing. Kenshin saw Sano walking towards them and called out"ITS SANO!" The three of them ran over to Sano and huddled around his waist. Needless to say this made Sano uncomfortable. Saitou had lifted up Sano's fresh clean shirt and leaned over close to the wound. Megumi and Kenshin leaned over too. "What was wrong with the stitch YOU gave Saitou?" Kenshin inquired. "Saitou didn't use a medical thread and needle."Megumi answered. "Thats why I had to heat up the needle with my lighter." Kenshin nodded. Curious as a kitten, Kenshin poked the stitched gash on Sano's side.  
Sano nearly lept through the ceiling with pain. He wailed and screamed and nearly fell over. He wavered about till Saitou put a hand on his shoulder holding him up. Megumi thwacked Kenshin in the back of the head. "What're you thinking! You loon he's been run through and you poke him on his wound!? Where's your sense!" Megumi screeched.   
Kenshin raised his arms over his head in defense."I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!" Sano choked out an acceptence of the apology but he decided it would be best to go have a nice sit. He felt like a rolly polly fish head. He couldnt do anything. The director gave him some slack considering he'd been run through. But then the director got a brilliant idea.  
He thought of the perfect way to introduce Saitou in the series to Sano. At first he had just decided it would be best that he get a letter from Saitou calling him and all the males out of the house to show them a lesson as a message for Kenshin. But this new brilliant idea was magnificent. Saitou would appear to Sano in disguise selling Ishida powder. Sure it was a bad joke but a good many of the fans would be distracted by Saitou running Sano through the shoulder.  
Well when Sano read the script he just started to cry. And cry he did. But, the show must go on.  
  
Next Chapter:Flamogram


	6. Rolly Polly Fishheads

Rolly Polly Fish Heads  
  
This is not the greatest story in the world, it's just a tribute. O_O sorry too much Tenacious D. God I haven't updated in .....forever. I had nearly forgotten about this fic! Shame shame. I should end it quickly since its really going no where =)  
Sano:You're a horrible author  
*giggle* I KNOW!  
  


~~~~~~  
So, as time went on in the crazy world of Behind the Scenes, a queer incident happened.  
As Sano was going into a convenient store, which isn't all that convenient since he has to walk five blocks to get to it, he was confronted by a little girl in a pleated green skirt and t-shirt with a sash.  
"Hello sir, would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"  
"What?"   
"Girl Scout cookies!"  
"I...I only was going to come here to get some Milk and T.P and some cigarettes"  
"Ah Milk? Our cookies are delicious with milk!"  
"I really don't think I have enough on me."  
"Then don't buy the cigarettes."  
"They aren't for me."  
"Then why are you buying them."  
"'Cause there's a big tall man with gold eyes waiting for them at my apartment."  
"What's he doing there sir?"  
"Um....Cheating on his wife?"  
"That sounds terrible. A man like that shouldn't have cigarettes. A good man like you should take this bad man's money and buy GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!"  
"But I'm not really into Girl Scout Cookies"  
"Have you ever had any?"  
"Well....no but"  
"Ah I see I see"  
"What?! What do you see!?"  
"Well it's quite obvious why you don't want the cookies."  
"What!?"  
"You're too in love with the bad man to stray from the path he set you out on! So now, in your feeble attempt to please him you will use your HARD EARNED CASH to buy him the cigarettes which are actually KILLING HIM SLOWLY and it's a shame. A big SHAME! Because you're in love with a bad man. Because he's just manipulating you into buying him stuff and letting him use your body in whatever way he pleases. You really need to free yourself of this harmful man. He'll only lead you to your most incredibly depressing and inevitable downfall."  
"Wha...How...Why..."  
"Don't speak. I know what you're thinking."  
"Isn't that No Doubt"  
"Shh. Shh. It's okay. I can tell you're in pain young one"  
"I'm like ten years older than you"  
"I see such a horrible fall for you, and it's all because of this foolish passion you have for this man. Now, I see only one way for you to cure yourself of this man."  
"What's that"  
"Buy Girl Scout Cookies"  
".....You're not gonna leave me alone until I do are you?"  
"Never, I'll haunt you like the ghost of Christmas past."  
"Fine, I'll buy a box. What kinda cookies have you got."  
"Well we have Thin Mints, Lemon Drops, Caramel Delights, Pea-"  
"Caramel Delights? What are those?"  
"They're caramel and coconut and chocolate"  
"I'll take it!"  
"YAY! Wow, how'd you choose that one?"  
"I have fond memories of caramel...."  
"Like when you were a Porn star?"  
"HOW'D YOU KNOW!"  
"My brother and dad are huge perverts"  
"Okay, so just give me the cookies."  
"Hmmn, now I just had a brilliant idea..."  
"Oh no"  
"You...or so I've heard from an anonymous yet very reliable resource, that you're ashamed of your previous career. And that you'd be devestated if it were ever to be released to the public or to the press. Now, my father and brother just happen to have some copies of your 'debut work'. I know it would be just a DAMN SHAME if you were to have those, oh let's say, played in a Blockbuster preview tv?"  
"How would you do that?"  
"Oh believe me Mister Libido. I can"  
"Oh god you know my old nickname too..."  
"I know LOTS of stuff honey"  
"Are you sure you're a Girl Scout?"  
"One of the best."  
"So you're blackmailing me"  
"I am"  
"What do you want me to do."  
"I want you, to get some of your actor buddies, to help in a bake sale."  
"WHAT!?"  
"That's right. A bake sale. We're raising money for a trip to France."  
"Can't I just pay your way."  
"Oh but then what if Jenny, and Midge, and Viviane, and Clarie didn't get to go? I would be just CRUSHED!"  
"You don't look so devistated. You're smiling for Christ sake!"  
"Oh but I'm just so confident that you'll pull through! With at least FIVE of the MAIN characters. Don't bring some cheap one episode only character. We want headliners here."  
"And if I don't pull through, you'll release the tapes."  
"Yep"  
"And what happens afterwards? Will you give me the tapes?"  
"Sounds reasonable enough."  
"Okay, I'll do my best to get at least FIVE of the main characters to help in the bake sale"  
"Five OTHER than you"  
"DAMMIT"  
"Now, here you are sir. Your Caramel Delights"  
"Hmmrgrgph"  
"Oh Sir?"  
"What!?"  
"You forgot to buy your Milk, TP, and cigarettes for your lover."  
"How'd you know he was my lover!?!"  
"You blushed when you talked about him."  
"You remembered a minute detail from so long ago!?"  
"I have a killer memory."  
  
  
~~~Next Chapter A Worthy Cause  
  
AHH! Wasn't she cool! And I know I jumped from a nothing's happening chapter to OH MY GOD WHEN'D ALL THIS HAPPEN! But That'll all come out in later chapters! I promise!  
Girl Scout of Doom:It better  
EEP!...you're scary  



End file.
